I CAN READ MINDS
(Source: , via allo-nsy)
what?? piE ? i gotta see this
ohhhh it says “piece” not “pie”
wait a second…
MAKE IT STOPAPAPFDG S
my anaconda dont
*how to spawn demons: a beginner’s guide to chemistry
Using the now well-known idea of magnetic levitation, the OM/ONE speaker floats about an inch off its base, allowing the user to spin it around in mid-air while listening to the audio.
Don’t need it.
But I WANT it.
How Do Court Reporters Keep Straight Faces?
These are from a book called Disorder in the Courts and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while the exchanges were taking place.
ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?
WITNESS: He said, ‘Where am I, Cathy?’
ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
WITNESS: My name is Susan!
ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?
WITNESS: July 18th.
ATTORNEY: What year?
WITNESS: Every year.
ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can’t remember which.
ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
WITNESS: Forty-five years.
ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
WITNESS: I forget..
ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?
ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?
WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the 20-year-old, how old is he?
WITNESS: He’s 20, much like your IQ.
ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
WITNESS: Are you shitting me?
ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
WITNESS: Getting laid
ATTORNEY: She had three children , right?
ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
WITNESS: Your Honor, I think I need a different attorney. Can I get a new attorney?
ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
WITNESS: By death..
ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
WITNESS: Take a guess.
ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard
ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
WITNESS: Unless the Circus was in town I’m going with male.
ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
ATTORNEY: Doctor , how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?
WITNESS: All of them. The live ones put up too much of a fight.
ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 PM
ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
WITNESS: If not, he was by the time I finished.
ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
WITNESS: Are you qualified to ask that question?
ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?
ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?
ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
Reblogging because there are some sassy little shits out there.
This is the most amazing thing I’ve ever read
imagine a video game where you create a hero whose destiny is to save everyone, but throughout the game you start making harder and more questionable decisions, and the game gets darker and darker. and in the end you’re just standing there, clutching the controller and finally realizing you were playing the villain all along
the anti vaccination movement basically consists of random people with no knowledge of medicine going “I can medicine better than doctors” and it would be hilarious if it wasn’t literally killing people
you dont need vaccines, I havent had any and Im still doing great
wow, what a compelling argument. you’ve got me
in other news, i am still alive therefore death must be a myth
I like how Natasha always cares about other people’s safety before hers.
Yo Nicki is legit fed up with people talking about her ass, though. Look at her face yo. She is genuinely INSULTED and not having it.
Like this is a woman who just likes what she does and all anyone can ever focus on is her fucking ass and the fact she got ass shots or whatever. She’s not stupid. Give it a fucking rest.James Franco is a piece of shit. Because the only “value” or “talent” a Black woman could ever possess is her body or her ass, am I right? Fuck Franco and people who spout the same shit.
You do realise that this is Franco in a character named Dave Skylar that he is doing for an upcoming film. She was in on it too. Do some research before you start calling people pieces of shit.
0 to 100 real quick
but imagine pulling the wrong lipstick when youre not paying attention
wanna know how i got these scars
SPN FANDOM TRADITION: ALWAYS. REBLOG. ON. TUESDAY.
DO WANT THIS TRADITION TO STAY FOREVER IN THIS FANDOM
FANDOM LAW YOU MUST ABIDE
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